


eternal flame, color me blue

by nockingarrows



Category: K-pop, Pentagon (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Magic, Aromantic, Asexual Kino, Asexual Relationship, Asexual Yanan, Asexuality, Comfort/Angst, Gen, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Platonic Relationships, Unrequited Love, all worldbuilding is my own, yanan/changgu past relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-19
Updated: 2021-01-19
Packaged: 2021-03-17 16:00:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28851729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nockingarrows/pseuds/nockingarrows
Summary: Yanan remembered vividly how magic felt: coursing through his blood like a living flame, heating him up warm inside and then leaving in smoky wisps through the tips of his fingers. It had been like breathing for the first time, as if he had been stone all of his life before the sculptor pressed a pulse into his suddenly pliant human skin.It was no surprise, then, that he also remembered how it was to lose it.[OR: In a world where magic is created when partners are matched, Yanan finds himself at a crossroads. He has to learn more about himself to figure out where he goes from here]
Relationships: Kang Hyunggu | Kino/Yan An, Yan An/Yeo Changgu | Yeo One
Kudos: 16





	eternal flame, color me blue

**Author's Note:**

> was supposed to be a warmup—then became pretty long. oopsie. 
> 
> this is rather obviously me working through some aroace things through fic lmaoo but i hope y'all enjoy~
> 
> kudos and comments are appreciated, as always!!

Yanan remembered vividly how magic felt: coursing through his blood like a living flame, heating him up warm inside and then leaving in smoky wisps through the tips of his fingers. It had been like breathing for the first time, as if he had been stone all of his life before the sculptor pressed a pulse into his suddenly pliant human skin. 

It was no surprise, then, that he also remembered how it was to lose it. 

He had been expecting a sort of gradual release, each limb forgetting what it was like to hold magic the same way that you might forget the name of a friend over the years. It wasn’t, however, like that at all. The day that his match officially cut off their bond, a door shut inside of him. If he tried to reach for the magic, it would sneak away from him, leaving him with nothing. Cold wasn’t even the right word—or at least, not _enough_. He felt sheer, peeled, naked and left to freeze no matter how many layers he wore. 

As if to remind him exactly where he was, one of the ends of his scarf caught the breeze and flitted behind him, exposing a section of his neck to the night air. He gritted his teeth and caught it with a few cold fingers, huffing as he wrapped it tighter this time. He hadn’t expected it to be this windy, but then again, he also hadn’t been expecting his match to end. At least not tonight. He kept walking, head down, wishing that it was warmer and one of his boots didn’t have a hole in it and that he hadn’t decided to spend his last night in the matched dorms outside at 3 in the morning. 

It wasn’t his match’s fault, though. In fact, Yanan guessed the best course of action would have been to apologize to Yeo Changgu, even if what transpired wasn’t necessarily _his_ fault, either. It was a cosmic error, or something of that sort. 

The two of them had been matched several days after both choosing to take the academy’s magic path. They’d looked each other over in that moment, as most matches did, and decided that it all seemed quite promising. Changgu was a good kid with warm brown eyes and a jovial sunlit smile that could make all the flowers turn his way. Just from one look at him, Yanan could tell that he was the kind of person who, if Yanan had brought him home to his mother, would make her cry tears of joy. He took it to be a good sign. Changgu’s widening smile seemed to say that the other boy had decided the same of him. 

Yanan kicked a pebble out of his way as he headed down the steps so that he could walk beside the long, burbling fountain at the center of campus. The street lamps sent ripples of light across the dark expanse of water and scattered droplets that threatened to spray across his face. Yanan dodged them, biting his lip. 

Two years. He really should have just found another match, called it off early, maybe just entirely given up on the magic track and chosen another major. _Two years._ It had been avoidable, of course, but both he and Changgu had decided that it was worth a try. After a year, when Changgu’s side of the bond had finally lit and both of them had felt the warm burst of fire in their veins, they had both been thrilled. Now, they only needed to find a way to spark Yanan’s. Changgu was a good boy, a kind face that he knew would care for him until the end of time. Wouldn’t it be easy enough to return his feelings—the ones that both of them had tried so hard to kindle?

Clearly not. 

The academy was supposed to choose their matches _by design_ , with experienced magicians looking through their applications—which included detailed profiles that had been collected over the entire course of their lives, exactly for this purpose, in case they wanted to become magicians themselves—and SOMEHOW Yanan was one of the few for which the research hadn’t worked. He’d looked up the numbers earlier that evening with Changgu, the two of them sitting side by side as if Yanan hadn’t just asked to break the other boy’s heart. 

1%, or barely that. Was he really so broken that he’d become part of that statistic?

He could still feel Changgu’s hands on his wrists, thumbs brushing over the marks that indicated that he was bonded. Called for. Taken. 

_Are you sure this is what you want?_ Changgu had murmured. _We could keep trying if you wanted to. I don’t mind waiting. And even...even if you never feel the same way, we could still just use mine. I have enough love for both of us._

 _No,_ Yanan had answered. In his memory, his voice sounded as firm as he’d tried to make it, but his heart ached. Even if he couldn’t love Yeo Changgu, he was still his friend. He hadn’t done anything wrong, and Yanan was loath to hurt him. _I can’t do this to you. Not anymore. I wanted to keep trying for as long as we had a chance but...it’s been two years. You need someone who can fuel you with enough magic to graduate on track. And who can...who can make you happy._

_You make me happy._

_Not the way you deserve,_ Yanan had whispered. _This will give me enough time to figure out where to go from here._

 _Alright._ In that word, Yanan had heard Changgu’s heart shatter. He would have to live with that, and the feeling of his empty, hollow wrists. 

\--

Yanan soon reached the end of the fountain and was so deep in his thoughts that he ended up walking directly into a spray of water. In his defense, it _had_ been dark in that spot, just a foot too far from the closest street light, but that didn’t stop him from spluttering and then rubbing his face with his scarf, cursing colorfully. 

“Ha, I did the same thing earlier. The trick is not to walk so close to the edge,” came a voice. 

Yanan blinked, and turned to track the sound. A figure stretched its legs by the corner of the fountain. It reached up to also stretch its arms before casually walking over to Yanan. In the dark, Yanan could barely see its arms lower and cross over its chest, but what he could see was the flash of the stranger’s smile. 

“It’s quite late. What are you doing getting attacked by a fountain at this hour?”

“You’re also here,” Yanan pointed out, still dabbing his face, now a little miffed. Was this stranger really making fun of him, _at this moment_ , right after he’d ruined someone’s life? 

The stranger laughed. “Fair point. I make a habit of this though. And I haven’t seen you here before, at least not this late.”

“Now you have,” said Yanan curtly. Normally, he would try his best to let the stranger get comfortable in conversation, interjecting when he wished, but right now, he was tired and angry and bitter at the 1% of failed matches that he’d just joined. “Maybe find me at a better point in my life and we can catch up.”

“Oh, so now’s not a good time.”

“No, it’s not.” Yanan shouldered past him, heading toward the stairs that led toward the campus’s unmatched dormitories. Yanan figured now was as good a time as any to take a look at the state of the dorms that he would be returning to soon. 

“Goodnight,” he added a little belatedly, halfway up the stairwell, realizing that he should at least be polite to the stranger before he left. 

“You know, if you wanted to, we could chat,” the stranger called from his place by the fountain. “I’m not busy. If you need someone to talk to—”

Yanan regretted his politeness immediately. “No. Goodnight, sir. I’m sorry.”

He hurried up the steps and up toward the dorms. The matched dorms were certainly prettier, with their bright silver walls and sliding glass doors. The unmatched dorms looked as if they were from a different era, with bricks stacked upon bricks and doors with knobs whose function seemed rather dubious. In his mind’s eye, two years earlier, he and Yeo Changgu had moved out of these dorms together. 

_I’ll carry your bags for you_ , Changgu had said, breaking into that precious, crinkly-eyed smile of his. 

_I could get used to that_ , Yanan had laughed. At the time, he had believed that the light, buoyant feeling in his chest could bloom into something more. 

Now, here he was, staring at that same dark wooden door, trying to picture himself walking back through it and up to a room that he would share with some stranger. No Changgu, no magic, no idea what his plans for the future were. It would be starting over entirely, without any help in the world, and now he would be utterly alone. 

The thought—the truth in it—suddenly terrified him. Alone. When had Yanan ever truly been alone? He’d left his parents behind to come to the academy, of course, but then he’d just finished up meeting all of the kids on his floor before he met Changgu. And then he’d always had Changgu, that constant bubbly presence in his life that made him feel as if everything would be okay eventually. As long as he kept trying.

But now—what exactly was he trying for? A stranger he didn’t know? What really did he have, other than himself? 

Before he knew it, he was heading back down the steps toward the fountain. He stopped at the top of the stairwell, took a deep breath to steady himself, and then called out to the figure he could still see sitting cross-legged at his corner. 

“You’re still here.”

“Ah, and so are you.”

“You said...you said you were available to talk. If I wanted to.”

“Come sit by me, then. You shouldn’t have to stand up there all alone if we’re going to be friends.” The stranger scooted to the side and patted the spot on the corner of the fountain where he’d been sitting before. After another moment’s hesitation, Yanan shook his head to himself and then moved to sit beside the stranger. 

“What’s your name then, 4am friend?” 

“Yan An. Two words. You can just call me Yanan though.”

“Yanan.” The stranger rolled the name over his tongue and smiled. “It’s pretty.”

“Thank you. You?”

“Kang Hyunggu. Hyunggu is fine, but if you want to, you can call me Kino too. It’s my magician’s name.”

Yanan’s breath felt as if it were cut short.

 _What do you think of Yeo One for my magician’s name?_ Changgu had asked him one day after class, skipping into their room. 

_I like it._

_Great. Awesome. And this way, we match! Double Ys, you know, at least when we have to write them down in the common tongue. We’re gonna make such a formidable pair once we’ve bonded._

_I’ll bet._

“I’ll stick to Hyunggu,” Yanan said slowly, trying to draw himself back to reality. Even then, doubt had been slipping into his periphery, but he had been pushing it down and bandaging it with the power of Changgu’s smile. 

Hyunggu shrugged. “Works for me.”

A pause. “So you’re on the magic track.” Yanan stopped himself from adding _like me_. It was no longer true. 

“Yes.”

“Is your match going well?”

“I don’t have one.”

“Oh that’s—what? What do you mean, _you don’t have one_ ??” Yanan jumped to his feet. “You need magic to be a magician, to stay on the magician’s track. I would—” He stopped himself, and forced himself to sit back down. _I would know._

“I make things hard for myself,” Hyunggu said with a laugh. “It’s easier to be on the magician’s track with a match, of course. Makes magic a no-brainer, as easy as breathing. But it’s not the only way.”

“But didn’t the...didn’t the academy match you with someone? What happened to them?”

“Oh, no. I never matched with anyone. Never even let them try. It would have been fruitless, anyway. I’ve never been interested in having a connection like that. A magician’s bond, or whatever they call it.” He shook his head. “Not for me. I applied straight to the magician’s track and when they asked for my information, I just told them that I wanted to audition.”

“Audition??”

“Like this.” Hyunggu raised his hand and Yanan’s jaw immediately dropped to the ground. Between his fingers nestled a hungry flame like the one that Yanan had felt leave his fingers the day he’d tapped into Changgu’s love for him. 

“How—how _the hell_ —?” 

“You really thought that magician’s bonds were the only way to create magic?” Hyunggu asked with an infuriating grin. “Magic comes from bonds, period. Not specifically romantic or sexual bonds. _Bonds._ You can fall in love with the prettiest sunset and snatch some magic from it, as long as you know what you’re looking for.”

“Is that what you’ve been doing? How you do this??”

“Precisely. I told you coming to this fountain was a nightly thing for me. It’s also _mandatory_. I find it beautiful here and it helps me think. It calms me. That in itself is a bond. So now, after hours of cultivating that bond, I can do this.”

Hyunggu reached a hand out and dipped it into the water of the fountain. When he pulled it back out, a trail of light blue, sparkling magic dappled the yellow light from the street lamps a slight green. Yanan watched it and tried not to feel as if his heart were tumbling out of his chest. 

“I was on the magician’s track, too,” he blurted. 

“Was?”

“I couldn’t love my match. I tried for two years. He loves me, but I could never do the same. I told him we had to break it off so that he can find a partner better suited to him.”

Hyunggu’s fingers stopped moving, and the magic dripped off of them back into the fountain. For a long moment, he remained silent, until Yanan became worried that he’d crossed a line. 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be so frank.”

“No,” Hyunggu said softly. “Don’t be sorry. It should be me who’s sorry. I asked you to come here to speak to me because I thought you looked hurt, and then all I did was boast in front of you about something you’ve lost.”

“I didn’t see it that way. Or, I mean—”

“It’s alright. I wasn’t kind. You can say it.”

“But you didn’t know. And besides, you’ve given me hope that I can keep pursuing this path, at least someday. I don’t have to give it up just because I couldn’t make myself love my match.”

“Sometimes it isn’t something you can just _make happen_ ,” Hyunggu murmured. “Sometimes you just can’t. It doesn’t mean you’re broken, or that you failed.”

“How did you—?”

“I didn’t read your mind. They’re just things I tell myself all the time. You are...surprisingly similar to me, Yanan. All this time I thought I was alone.” 

“...me too.”

Yanan felt as if he had been staring at the floor for an eternity before Hyunggu broke the silence again. 

“They’ll find you a new match tomorrow, yes?”

“Yeah. Another one I probably will never love.”

“Yanan.”

“Yeah?”

“I know this might be fast, but I have a proposition, if you’re willing to hear me out.” Hyunggu cracked a small smile. “It is very early in the morning, but then again, if you agree, we don’t have much time.”

“I’m listening.”

\--

Several weeks later, Yanan knelt beside the fountain in the center of campus. Beside him, standing with his brows furrowed, was Kang Hyunggu. The stars flickered above them in a night sky that was slowly readying its canvas for the morning light. 

“It’s still not working. Aren't you supposed to be teaching me??” Yanan huffed, pulling his hands out of the water. The marks on his wrists, black with their recent renewal, reflected the glow of the streetlights. Their twins, even darker from having just been applied, gently pushed them back into the water. 

“You’re not focusing.” Hyunggu’s voice was contemplative. “And don’t expect something as dramatic as mine. You haven’t spent as much time out here as me, and it might not be as...sentimental.”

“It’s just as sentimental! I met you here. You saved my career.” 

_You made me feel as if I made the right decision_. He wondered, briefly, if Changgu would agree. He’d seen his old match a few times since it had all happened. The other boy had been matched with Yang Hongseok, an upperclassman who had switched to the magician’s track recently and seemed to be an expert at bringing out Changgu’s smiles. Yanan hoped they would be introduced to one another eventually, once the damage he’d done had passed. He hoped he could be a part of what would emerge. 

“Oh, so I’m just a career now?” Hyunggu interjected, pulling Yanan back to the task at hand. 

“I didn’t mean that—” he stammered. He closed his eyes and remembered what Hyunggu had told him about grabbing onto the magic. _Feel your bond with this place. Remember it. Relive it._

Suddenly, something tugged at the back of his mind. Encouraged, he reached for it, grasping it as tightly as he could, winding it around his thoughts until he could push it out of his fingers. The warmth that rushed through his veins, familiar as his own blood, brought a bright smile to his face. 

“ _Hell_ yeah.” 

He opened his eyes and blinked. His fingers were dripping that bright blue magic that he remembered from that night, though it was thinner and wispier than the one in his memory. This one, however, twisted and rippled in the air as if it had a life of its own, almost as if it were laughing. 

And it wasn’t coming from the water, but from Kang Hyunggu, right above his heart. Yanan met his eyes and felt his own widen. 

“Is this...?”

“I don’t love you,” said Hyunggu calmly, cocking his head. For a purely platonic match, he seemed to be enjoying this a little too much. “Do you love me?”

“No...not like that.”

“Then we’re getting somewhere, 4am friend. Try again.” 


End file.
